The Great Clothing Debacle

Just to remind you all, we have primary placement of my step-daughter. About 3 months ago we ended a six month custody battle, remaining as primary, but with the schedule changing in a way that Candy in her sheer brilliance asked for. Candy, the shampoo girl, rather than thinking it through, wanted certain days. She works 3 days a week, so instead of structuring a schedule where Pattie would wake up with Candy in her days off, she insisted on this current schedule, that leaves her getting herself, her other illegitimate child and Pattie ready for school/work each morning. Since the schedule change, Pattie has been sent to school in clothes that are stained, too tight, inappropriate for the weather, floods, not matching,etc. She hasn’t brushed her teeth. She hasn’t been given a bath. It’s simply put, pathetic. Pattie has gone from the popular girl to the dirty kid. She has lost friends. She hates school. Meanwhile, she informs us that her mother will not allow her in the bathroom in the morning because she is perfecting her extensions, fake tan or pound of makeup, no doubt to take and post her daily selfie advertisement to all the single men on facebook. She has gone through another boyfriend, that Pattie met and found sleeping in her mother’s bed. He lasted 3 weeks this time. At least the last one was a
Couple months. This loser became her profile picture on a Saturday and had dumped her by the following Saturday. My husband is much nicer than I am. I would have hauled her in to support court and asked for some contribution towards Pattie’s life by now. She pays nothing, as we carry the medical insurance and pay all co-pays, pay for all of daycare, on and off our days, pay for all extra-curricular actives, all school related expenses, all everything. We get no help from her so-called Mother. Granted, we both have real jobs. Candy lives in subsidized housing, collects Medicaid, collects child support for her other kid, and takes full advantage of the system, yet cannot even be bothered to purchase a few school appropriate, proper sized outfits for Pattie. She also makes money by taking the clothes that Mickey and I purchase, Gymboree, children’s place and the like, and selling them! Anything name brand or expensive that happens to be worn on Pattie on a day she goes to her Mother’s is lost to us. The most pathetic thing about this is that Candy always makes sure she looks her done-up sluttiest… Fake tan, mani and pedi, fake hair, fake costume jewelry, new clothes. I can’t imagine how much time she spends on herself, to leave just enough time to push Pattie out the door in pants and shirts that are too small and are stained, wearing a t-shirt in the dead of winter, without having her teeth brushed or hair done, looking like a complete disaster. I love my Pattie and it breaks my heart that any biological Mother could be so very selfish.



I am a wife, career woman, soon to be mother, friend, daughter, sister, cousin, niece, educated professional with a doctorate, and yet the most stressful and significant role of my 30 something life, a step-mother. I am a step-mother to a beautiful, smart, mostly well-behaved 5 year old girl named “Pattie.”
Had you asked me two years ago, I never would have envisioned a life of step-motherhood. Then I met “Micky.” We moved quickly and were living together, then engaged within a year. We were married in a year and a half from the time we met. I do not question my love for him or my love for his daughter. I do sometimes question my sanity in dealing with her Mother, “Candi.”
Candi was a one night stand that turned in to a string of drunken hookups after nights of drinking. Candi began asking for more and Micky made it clear that he was not interested in more with her. Approximately a month later, Candi was pregnant. Candi works part time, lives off of welfare and in housing projects. She has one child from another man. Candi was not a woman that Micky wanted in his life for anything other than a hookup. That was his mistake and he has paid for it tenfold and stepped up to the plate as an amazing Father.
I vary between anger at my husband for being so damn stupid and her for trying to trap him with a pregnancy.
One thing that remains, it’s not Pattie’s fault and despite her accidental entry in to the world, I would not give her back. (Her mother on the other hand can disappear anytime now… I hear the Caribbean islands are a nice place to relocate.)
Candi has never gotten over Micky and the relationship she wanted and is quite bitter as a result. A week after I had a ring on my finger, she petitioned Micky to court to take Custody from him. Her main motivation was that she wanted child support and jealousy.
Candi has never made any effort to be a better person for herself or her children. Candi has a string of 3 month boyfriends who she introduces to her children and has sleeping in her bed, and then breaks up with, never to be seen again. Then there are the ones that cycle through, and they break up and get back together. She speaks to her 5 year old about the intricacies of the relationship, as if the 5 year old were her peer. She is actually quite a sad specimen of a human being who will never change.
The Court saw through her poor parenting and awarded primary placement to Micky. It was the best interest of Pattie.
Since the entry of the Court Order, Candi continues her ways and continues to harm her daughter.
Needless to say, Candi is not well liked by my husband, myself or our families. This first blog entry is to introduce you as briefly as possible to myself and my little family and give you some background on the dynamics of the situation. This is mostly my anonymous forum to bitch it out! As this blog progresses, I will be sharing with you my daily triumphs and struggles as a step mom.
I know I am not doing everything right, but I have been told I am a better mother to Pattie than her own mother by friends and family of Micky. I am sure that I sometimes act immature out of blind hatred for Candi and what Candi represents as a Mother, woman and person. I also have my moments or clarity and maturity.
It’s emotional. It’s difficult. It’s rewarding. And it’s ever frustrating. Welcome to my rollar coaster life as a step mom.